03/20/2024- 13 Days

These posts are detailing my written grief journey after the loss of my Mozzie. The blog post title will be the date of my journal entry, followed by the number of days since Mozzie died. I hope these bring you comfort- as you see you are not alone. I hope they give you hope- as you see, with time, things do get better. Life is not the same, things are certainly different, but the initial heartbreak you may experience really does subside. And that’s okay- let it. That is your broken heart healing. Just because you’re healing doesn’t mean that your love is fading; that is your heart learning to love in a different way.

*Some of my journal entries discuss my experience in a frank way. Please take care of yourself. There are, naturally, discussions about death, bodies after death, and other things that may cause discomfort or feel “triggering”. I feel part of my role as a death doula is to normalize discussion of these things that are a very normal, yet often uncomfortable part of the human experience. And so, I will not be watering down the language I used to express the way I processed these things, as I feel they require expression.

“I got this journal because that is what everyone said to do. I think I’m going to write to you, Mozzie. Tell you all the things I wish I had said and all the memories I don’t want to lose. We got your ashes today. I was so happy to get them- it feels like we are together again on some level. It was so hard to get them. Your thick, wiggly, fury body was reduced to a bag of ash that fits in my hand. So strange. I cried so much. Longing to hold you, and press my face into you, your steady warmth. You were always my source of comfort and I miss your comforting cuddles and sweet licks. You always made everything okay. Thank you so much. I love you.”